It sounds like there's a couple of things going on here...
First, it sounds as if your "collect" phase is perhaps incomplete. I say this because you mention that you have stuff to do with your spouse that the lists lose out to. I can't help but wonder why this stuff isn't on your list? Is this all new stuff that your spouse is introducing "on-the-fly"? If so, then maybe it's OK that you're not actively working from your lists, but at some point you're going to have to sit down and renegotiate all the things you've promised yourself or your spouse that you're going to do.
Second, (and I know this is heresy to some, but bear with me here) your lists really aren't all that important -- it's the doing that's important. Your lists are just an organization mechanism. As long as nothing is being forgotten or permitted to languish beyond its deadline, it doesn't really matter much if you are or aren't 'plowing through your lists'. Of course, if you've truly collected everything, you will be working through your lists whether you're looking at them or not. The three most useful things about the lists are (1) They help move a project forward by identifying the very next physical action you can take; (2) they give you an idea of all the things you could be doing instead of the thing you're actually doing -- this empowers you to make intelligent decisions about how you spend your time; and (3) they help keep you from forgetting your commitments. So, if you're certain that what you're doing with your spouse each evening is more important than anything else you could be doing, don't sweat the fact that you aren't actively looking at your lists. All of that said, there are plenty of times that I decide to work on something even though I know it isn't captured in my system -- but I also know it's OK to work on this new thing, because everything else I need to do is already captured and will be waiting for me when I'm ready to come back to it.
Third, I'm not sure whether you're doing a weekly review, but if you're not, you should. You should also be doing a daily review. I review every single item on my @context and project lists at least daily; sometimes even more often. The end result is that by the time I get home, I already have a pretty a good idea of what's on the @home list that needs my attention tonight.
Finally, I wonder what you do with your Palm when you get home. Does it sit in the other room, or is it with you all the time? Maybe try setting up some reminders to keep your Palm with you - it can be as simple as setting an alarm on your cell phone for 7:30 in the evening to remind you to look at it. Set it to recur every day for a month. After that, it should be a habit that you don't even need to think about anymore.
Hope something in this is helpful for you.
