Killing Time-Wasting Impulsive Pleasures

[adamsoprano]

That one quote in david's 2nd book said it best "every morning I wake up and am torn between saving or savoring/enjoying the world. That describes my situation correctly. In my workoholic goal-oriented mind, I'm thinking maximum time to productiveness and the only "fun" time is with my wife and future kids and in the future when there's money, to spent time w/ friends playing paintball to get that nice social family/friends balance.

I'm "trying" to cut out 100% of my personal fun time such as computer games, guitar, music, movies, tv, etc. but am finding it difficult. I beleive this is mostly an impulsive thing as I don't think before doing I just think "instant gratification! yea!" instead of work & productivity. And becuase I have spent most of my years as a kid/teen (I'm 19 now) doing mostly fun things. How do I stop this impulsive pleasures? Some might suggest to schedule a time for personal fun such as 1 hour a day/7hrs a week etc. or something but I do not want to have any personal fun becuase my goals are too important and maximum time must be devoted to it.

Any tips on effectively cutting the personal fun out?

 

[jmarkey]

Re: Killing Time-Wasting Impulsive Pleasures

Any tips on effectively cutting the personal fun out?

Alas, I cannot be a conspirator in eliminating all fun from your life. IMHO, it would be akin to eliminating all sleep.

 

[adamsoprano]

Alas, I cannot be a conspirator in eliminating all fun from your life.

I did say:

the only "fun" time is with my wife and future kids and in the future when there's money, to spent time w/ friends playing paintball to get that nice social family/friends balance

So I woulnd't look back and say "I spent all the time on productivity but had no social time w/ family & friends" that's the source of fun. I'm talking fun that has no meaning/purpose, w/ no social aspect, and is completely sacrificable especially for my extremely important long term goals.

IMHO, it would be akin to eliminating all sleep.

You're saying that I would "need" fun. I agree, "social" fun w/ family & friends, but not non-social counter-productive time wasting fun which slows me down from achieving my goals.

 

[ceehjay]

I need alone time for renewal. I don't think playing the guitar is counter-productive or wasting time. Nor do I see computer games that way. Sometimes I come home so zonked that 10-15 minutes of a mindless computer game is just the right thing. I have no desire to be social when I'm feeling that way.

When I was 19, I think I did want to be with other people all the time. No more. I like a balance of work and play, social and alone. My spirit needs the balance. My productivity falters without that balance, too.

Carolyn

 

[adamsoprano]

I do agree that personal fun time may be "fun" but at what price? The price tag for me is that I'm delaying achieving my long term goals and I want them achieved as soon as possible (Having lots of money and businesses). Social time I cannot sacrifice, and personal fun is definitely sacrificable.

 

[Jamie Elis]

sorry to preach but...

at your age you can and should be investing heavily in developing your job skills, life experience, and your education. Unless, the music and computer games fit into that, or into joint goals you and your wife have, you need to keep that to a reasonable amount of time. Different people have different levels of stress tolerance and dneed differing amounts of "down time", and different kinds of work takes more out of you, but overall, you have to set some priorites. If you have a time-bound "day job" that is knowledge based, and you have physical energy, you and your wife might take a night or weekend job together or even might start a business that requires activity (or vice versa, if your work is active, do some other kind of work or form of learning). You would also be wise to invest at least 5 hours a week in community service of yur choice, it could be tutoring, teaching computer skills to the disabled, or performing music in nursing homes. You will never have the time and energy you have now and the capacity to learn somethings is easier at different ages. You also have the opportunity to keep yourself from getting into debt, either by earning moe, preparing to earn more, or living wisely within your means. End of sermon.

 

[adamsoprano]

Unless, the music and computer games fit into that, or into joint goals you and your wife have, you need to keep that to a reasonable amount of time

Keep the music/games into a resasonable amount of time? I want to cut it out completely.

Different people have different levels of stress tolerance and need differing amounts of "down time", and different kinds of work takes more out of you

Brian Tracy said it best "winners/successful people do what losers/unsuccesufull don't want to do, whether they feel like it or not" and I beleive that if I dont' feel like doing something, I can get myself to feel like doing it via affirmations "I'm energized! I'm energized! I'm energized! I'm energized!" or let my physiology influence my mental state by acting like I'm energized and soon I will be energized.

You would also be wise to invest at least 5 hours a week in community service of yur choice, it could be tutoring, teaching computer skills to the disabled, or performing music in nursing homes.

Why? I can understand working for a company for free for the experience or doing something to improve financial/business-related skills, but I don't see nothing in community service.

Back to the main question, any tips on cutting impulsive personal fun out?

Thanks.

 

[trishacupra]

Amount of Time spent on Goals dictates how fast you accomplish them - Adam Soprano

I have to disagree with your quote. You could spend all day 'working' on your goals, yet if your strategy is bad and/or you're subconsciously sabotaging your efforts, it won't matter how much time you spend in the process.

It's like beating your head against a brick wall. You can bang your head harder and for longer, but all you'll end up with is a headache.

Work smarter, not harder. The smarter you work, the less time you'll need to work on your goals, and the faster you'll achieve them.

What's the big rush, anyway? You could get hit by a bus tomorrow (God forbid). You can choose to work hard now and play later - if you live long enough by not giving yourself a heart-attack first.

Some things can't be rushed, anyway. You can't plant a seed and force it to grow any faster than it's designed to.

All work and no play makes a boring person. Nothing sparks creativity like relaxation and playing.

I think a better question is "How can I organise my work and my goals so I have more time to play and enjoy my life today."

Today may be all you have, so work smart AND have fun!

Trisha

 

[beyerst]

Adamsoprano,

you need to find a balance between work and social life/fun. You say you want to cut out pleasure completely to focus on achieving your long term goals: lots of businesses and lots of money. Once you have those, you will spend more time with you wife and future kids.
How long will it take to achieve your long term goals? 10 years, 15 years? It takes time to grow a business. After 15 years, you would want to build a social life? with whom? After 15 years of 100% work, there will be nobody to socialise with.

You need to find a balance: for some people, this is a lot of social life and as little work as possible. For others (like you) it is the other way around. I too like to work a lot (I like my job, it helps). I noticed that I am more productive after a truly relaxing weekend or holiday. Your body and mind need to relax every now and then.
The fact that you feel the urge to play guitar, go to a movie, ... might be your body telling you that it needs rest.
You are pretty youg, so you will probable need less time to relax and reload the batteries than an old guy like me (31). But you need to take the time.
I am sure you have some people that you admire who have achieved great things themselves through hard work. I am pretty sure that they did a non-working thing every now and then!
After all, it cannot be your goal to be the richest man in the graveyard.

Summary: don't cut all the fun. You might as well stop living right now.

After this sermon, I start to feel old. i sound like my dad ;-)
br,
beyerst

 

[gekko]

I'm "trying" to cut out 100% of my personal fun time such as computer games, guitar, music, movies, tv, etc. but am finding it difficult. I beleive this is mostly an impulsive thing as I don't think before doing

You might try rearranging your stuff so the games, tv, etc aren't right in front of you. I once put my TV in my storage unit (5km away) when I had exams to study for ... even though I knew perfectly well I had important stuff to do, I'd waste so much time watching TV.

If you remove the visual triggers that start the unwanted behaviours, perhaps you can build some new habits which align more with your goals.

 

[trishacupra]

Here's a truly useless Flash game called "Smack the Penguin"...

http://69.93.193.34/games_dump3/pinguin.swf

Now, try that and tell me it's not good therapy... :wink:

Trisha

 

[adamsoprano]

I have to disagree with your quote. You could spend all day 'working' on your goals, yet if your strategy is bad and/or you're subconsciously sabotaging your efforts, it won't matter how much time you spend in the process.

It's like beating your head against a brick wall. You can bang your head harder and for longer, but all you'll end up with is a headache.

Work smarter, not harder. The smarter you work, the less time you'll need to work on your goals, and the faster you'll achieve them.

Well I try not to sabotage myself most of the time and if I feel I am I work on improving. One aspect that has been improved is implementing the GTD system where instead of day-dreaming about a different project or doing something else I'd write it down and process it later.

What's the big rush, anyway? You could get hit by a bus tomorrow (God forbid). You can choose to work hard now and play later - if you live long enough by not giving yourself a heart-attack first.

Some things can't be rushed, anyway. You can't plant a seed and force it to grow any faster than it's designed to.

The rush? I'm currrently in a post-high school non-college graduate type low-income situation and there's nothing that aggravates me more than not having financial stability. About that seed, mostly the work involves studying all kinds of business & investing methods before starting to invest. The faster I study up on the methods, the faster I can start making the money. And the more time spent on making the money, more money will be made.

All work and no play makes a boring person. Nothing sparks creativity like relaxation and playing.

I said "cutting out personal fun time." I am having fun w/ my wife right now. It's the only fun I have. And that takes out alot of time in the day already.

You say you want to cut out pleasure completely to focus on achieving your long term goals: lots of businesses and lots of money. Once you have those, you will spend more time with you wife and future kids.

Whoa whoa whoa. Read the latter. Allow me to reiterate. I want to spent max time on productivity now. Fun w/ wife and future kids now. Only thing I wanna cut is personal fun time (pc games, tv, guitar, music, etc.) Family fun time is very important to me. It's only the "friends" social aspect that will require money (paintball) in the future which is being postponed.

So what does everyone think of this cutting personal fun time out? It's not bad. I'm still having fun w/ family. Nothing wrong w/ that. If we all agree on that, then back to the topic- Any tips on cutting personal fun time out?

 

[MarkTAW]

Throw everything out. Can't play guitar if you don't have it. Or at least put it in the closet so it's a pain to take out again. Though, music should really be a social thing. Shaping your environment is one of the most powerful tools you have to change your habits.

The trick is to make working as much of a game as anything else. Improvements can only be made when you take measurements. Otherwise, how do you really know you're improving?

Check out (shameless self promotion):

http://www.marktaw.com/blog/GettingBackToWork.html

For a way to measure your ability to concentrate on work.

Also, look at The Now Habit (it's a book) for some tips on how to seperate work time from play time.

Brian Tracy is good, but some of his stuff is a little hokey.

Just remember that the greatest artists and inventors didn't work all the time. Their best ideas came to them when they were away from the studio - and alone. More people have said "I had a great idea in the shower" than "I had a great idea while spending time with my kids." This time, like sleep, allows you to process thoughts in ways you can't when you tackle them head on.

Down time serves an important purpose, and trying to schedule and plan even your down time can come at a cost - burn out, lack of spontaneity & creativity, etc.

 

[CJSullivan]

I've been using David Allen's techniques since 1996, and one of the things that is most valuable to me about the GTD system is the freedom it gives me to daydream, play, be present with friends, have productive "down-time," and just learn and listen. Having a system I trust and all my loose ends captured allows me to do that and more. To hear someone so young put such a low value on "fun" and creative self-expression (e.g. playing the guitar) is scary to me.

As other posters have alluded to, I don't think you'll find a highly successful business person who isn't well-rounded. Look at Richard Branson -- you don't think he makes time for fun? I would assert that the reason he's so ultra-successful is because his business pursuits are grounded in what gives him pleasure... It sounds as though your desire to be successful is rooted not in self-expression and in enjoying your time on this earth, but on "getting out" of your financially compromised position. It is understandable that you would want to better yourself and do well in life -- I have no quarrel with that. But what really saddens me is to hear some other posters advising you to THROW YOUR GUITAR AWAY!!!??? Life is SO short; self-discipline is great, but don't forget to LIVE!

To me it comes down to doing something out of love or fear. I'm not saying you should lay around and play guitar and computer games all day -- and from the sounds of your drive, I don't think that's too likely! You have a choice to pursue what you love or to run away from what you hate and/or fear. It takes quite a bit of "creative noodling" to find out who we are, what we love and what our best next moves are. Don't short-change yourself -- you may end up with lots of money and businesses, but I guarantee you won't be much fun to be around.

Well, there's the end of MY sermon!

 

[severance1970]

CJ,

Your post is right on the money, IMO. It's sad to think that so many people only value their utility, and see themselves as little more than means to an end -- as tools.

adam,

I would recommend not eliminating play, but being as committing to it the same way you committ to all the other focus areas in your life. When you get an impulse to do something recreational, but you're working, write it down, get it off your mind, and get back to work; then make it a project or a next action. When you review your lists, you'll be able to see if playing guitar is what you should be doing with your discretionary time, or if the activity should be parked in Someday/Maybe. Only you can make that choice.

I love how David will regularly make boasts like "I do nothing better than anyone I know," "My idea of success is spending the vast majority of my time hanging out with way cool, creative people BS'ing about way cool, creative things," or "I'm the laziest person you'll ever meet." The current cultual mode is to measure success by how many objects or how much equity someone's accumulated. I predict that before long, free time will be an equally important measure.

 

[kewms]

All work and no play?

All work and no play makes Adam a dull boy.

Creativity requires downtime: time to recharge, time to process things, time to restock the mental well. Attempting to cut out *all* personal fun time is likely to be counterproductive. You'll also drive your wife insane, as she probably needs quiet time to herself as well.

But some "fun things" are more productive than others. Playing the guitar is a completely different experience than watching TV. If you feel like time is slipping through your fingers, you might start by keeping track of exactly how you're spending it. If you're like most people, TV and video games are a much more serious time sink than guitar playing.

Once you're aware of where the time is going, you can make informed decisions about your priorities. What are you giving up to watch TV for an hour? Is it worth it?

The basic idea of GTD is to know what you're doing, and what you're not doing. That approach is equally applicable to fun stuff as well as work stuff.

 

[Jamie Elis]

the community service part

First, it will expand your horizons and it will help you develop the gift of seeing things from another perspective. Second, you are obviously bright, articulate, and energetic and reflective. You can do more than you realize or even estimate by sharing these gifts. Third, all of us who are successful have at some point (usually many) benefitted from freely given advice, skills training, people who went out of their way for us for no apparent reason, the more that you do for others, the more it will come back in unexpected ways. Third, whatever it is we do in life, it is not all about any one of us as an individual. Finally, it might take some of the pressure out of the conflict between work and play, it is a third choice and it is not a waste of time.

 

[jmarkey]

Now, try that and tell me it's not good therapy... :wink:
Trisha

Thanks for the link. I sent that little penguin flying (and sliding) to 593.5. Good practice for the upcoming softball season. Now back to work...

 

[jmarkey]

Back to the main question, any tips on cutting impulsive personal fun out?Thanks.

As someone who deferred many personal fun activities to achieve my goal of becoming a lawyer, I can understand your point of view. One strategy is to keep your goals in the forefront of your mind by whatever means works best for you. For example, Jay Foonberg recommends that lawyers keep pictures of their families facing them in their offices so that they have a reminder of why they are working and charging fees for their services. If you are using GTD, then your goals, projects and next actions should be well defined and current. If you plan how you will spend your time, there will be less room for impulsive activities.

In addition to defining your goals and keeping them prominent in your mind, you can take steps to address the habits that may prevent or delay their achievement. You can identify the habits that you wish to eliminate and choose to give them up completely for 30 days. If you need to, give the guitar, video games or whatever to someone else for safekeeping during that time. Assign a negative consequence for engaging in the habit and a positive reward for going 30 days without. Then decide upon an incompatible behavior for whenever you would be otherwise inclined to engage in the habit you choose to eliminate. For example, someone who wants to lose weight could decide that whenever they have the impulse to eat they will write in a journal for 15 minutes or put on some music and dance. In your case, the replacement habit could be something specifically designed to achieve your goals, such as reading a book in the area you would like to learn about. After the 30 days is up, you can reevaluate whether giving up that habit is working for you.

Although you have thoughtfully chosen the areas of your life you wish to reserve for fun (family, friends), you might reconsider the value of some of your nonproductive yet fun personal habits. Perhaps they are not as wasteful as they may seem. I find that some seemingly nonproductive activities may yet serve a purpose consistent with our goals, such as relieving stress or enhancing creativity. If I had it to do all over again, I just might play a few more video games along the way...IHTH

 

[Cikub]

The maxim "moderation in all things" represents a piece of human wisdom that has proven itself over the ages. Of course, it doesn't mean we should all do everything to some degree (for example, we don't all need to smoke cigarettes), but that focusing on extremes is often the quickest path to failure. Just ask all the well meaning people that swore on January 1st to cut all sugar and fat from their diets how long it lasted.

If you trust the wisdom of the greatest (practical) thinkers on success and productivity, then also remember the concept of starving problems and feeding opportunities. Just because someone turns off the television, etc., doesn't mean s/he is going to suddenly do something useful. The most effective people may waste less of their time, but not because they cut time wasting activities from their schedules. Instead, it's because they don't have time to waste because they are so focused on things that are important to them.

C