Don't feel inspired to do @Home actions

[Dan Owen]

What would a successful outcome look like?

And, if you're motivated at work by "want to" and "need to" but not at home by "have to," what meaning do these statements really have, as a practical matter? You clearly don't actually "have to," since you're surviving the consequences of not doing it. "Wanting to" at work is sufficient, but "wanting to" at home isn't -- what's behind that?

As Merlin Mann pointed out recently, the thing you're actually do is always your real priority. Identifying a priority that you're not willing to do tells you that it's not actually a priority.

What bothers me is the question: "If I spend my life in a very stupid way just relaxing and doing nothing when I get home. And that's 1/4th of my total day".

Are you asking how you can motivate yourself to do something you don't want to do? Can you articulate why you want to do it? Why is the outcome important? What is the consequence of not achieving that outcome? Is that consequence really a problem for you? Is there a benefit that outweighs the cost of that outcome?

You've deleted the list: are you happy with the outcome?

 

[sdann]

One problem with deleting the @home context and not replacing it with a context that is more motivating, is that the tasks will still be there. Either they're in the new context, pushed back to the someday/maybe or floating around in your head. The list will just grow too if you don't take care of these things. They are obviously of some value to you if you are in a quandary about completing them. Kul, you may want to answer some of the questions posed in this thread or in the book.

 

[kul]

i've left only 2 actions on my @home list now. both of them are "have to". Let's check if I do them in the near future (i have lots of time at home as you know but don't use it). now is a free slot and i'm here, at the forum. next thing is going to be dinner with family. after that i'd like to read before bed to come down. no time for the list today again...

 

[ext555]

" Making it all work "

You may want to pick up a copy of David Allen's latest book " Making it all work " I got a lot of fresh insight into why I wasn't doing some things I knew I needed to be doing .
I read some reviews on Amazon that said " nothing new here " but it wasn't supposed to be new , it was supposed to be "peeling the onion back to reveal more layers" as David says . It's a more insightful look at GTD.

In my case , the peeling back revealed some bigger issues that were holding me back , that I was un-consciously avoiding .

sometimes we forget that you can have the " perfect " GTD system set up , but if you don't like what's in it , it doesn't matter .

 

[kul]

Paul, I have it. I started reading and stopped at "Why do you need to read this book?". Really. I couldn't find any reason why should I read further. Because time management is supposed to remind you of what you want to be reminded. And I have no problems here. I want to be reminded at home (@Home) to open electronic deposit. And I'm reminded. Now it's my turn to do it. David Allen of no help here

 

[ext555]

" why should I read this book "

hmmm, you need to read it because you're not doing what you " want " to be doing .. and you are correct , until you realize that , David Allen will be of no help to you .
I have found this saying to be true in my lifetime " when the student is ready , the teacher will appear " .

 

[ellobogrande]

Paul, I have it. I started reading and stopped at "Why do you need to read this book?". Really. I couldn't find any reason why should I read further. Because time management is supposed to remind you of what you want to be reminded. And I have no problems here. I want to be reminded at home (@Home) to open electronic deposit. And I'm reminded. Now it's my turn to do it. David Allen of no help here

I've read it cover to cover. It's true that all three of DA's books cover the same material but each book does it in a different way and has different nuggets of good information that might just reinforce a concept in such a way that you truly "get it". There was a lot of explanation in the book about why these principles work and how to overcome resistance. See pages 114-118 to see if it doesn't give you food for thought that you didn't have before about outcome focusing and the fundamental thinking process.

"No matter how sophisticated we think we might be, there always seems to be one or more areas in our life and work that we tend to allow to remain unclear, causing us angst and distracting our focus." -MIAW, p118.

 

[CoffinDodger]

The "Rubber David Allen" theory of problem solving?

Great thread, I also get frustrated with my behaviour towards my @home list. I've found all sorts of explanations over the years, including distraction, apathy, procrastination, fear, and others. At the end of the day, sometimes when I look at it, @home is just not a good context for me. I've had far more success trying to brainstorm ways to do these things anywhere else but home

Also I use the trick of setting my alarm early to get up and do it when I'm in a better state of mind before work and my family is asleep. I don't do it often but it's worked well on occasion.

I usually find I get more of an insight into my own problems by trying to figure out how to respond on threads. I've had a few revelations trying twice to write a post for here. It's what we call at work "Rubber Duck Debugging" e.g.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging (interesting link to cognitive dissonance there.)

http://lists.ethernal.org/oldarchives/cantlug-0211/msg00174.html

Works great for me with all those things in life about which I'm sure I'm absolutely right, but for some reason don't work... if you don't feel comfortable holding a conversation with an inanimate object then you can always ask another human being to listen patiently until you go "Aww nuts nevermind I figured it out!" (just don't tell them you're pretending they're a rubber duck!)

Does anyone know where I can get hold of a rubber David Allen???:lol:

 

[ellobogrande]

Does anyone know where I can get hold of a rubber David Allen???:lol:

No, but I'd like to have a David Allen Bobblehead doll for my desk :-D

 

[Andre Kibbe]

The stress of a full day of work and the following commute doesn't fully register until the moment you get home, when residual fatigue kicks in. At that point, you're probably so immersed in a spell of decompression that it's hard to even look at your @Home list, let alone act on it. Reviewing the list doesn't ensure action, but it's one less emotional hurdle to jump.

The trick is to find a more strategic time to review your @Home list than at the precise moment your energy level plummets. Three options:

1. Make it a habit to review your @Home list right before leaving work. It's often easier to review a list when you know you can't act on it. You'll still need to review it again, when you get home, but the preliminary review "primes" you for keeping home activities in mind.
2. Make it a rule to review your @Home list before getting out of your car. Once you enter the house and sit down, you've broken the momentum of action that preceded it. So scan the list at least once before you're fully at rest.
3. For 30 days, set an alarm to review your list 30 minutes (or some other interval) after arriving home. Having an external queue to review the list helps lower the need to motivate yourself to look at it. Systems are more reliable than motivation.

Finally, take a hard look at the list and make sure that everything on it really needs to be done at home. Challenge yourself to find next actions on your @Home list with no actual "home" dependencies, ones that can be moved to another context like @Computer or @Anywhere.

 

[RuthMcT]

I've found this thread very interesting because I've had similar problems. I started reading "Do It Now" which encouraged me to think about why I didn't want to do things @home.

The problem appears to be that I resent "having to" do anything at home, because I spend the whole day at work doing things that I "have do". When I come home I want to relax and enjoy myself and not be told what to do, even when it's me telling myself what to do.

This applies to both the houshold chores, and, like you, things that really aren't a chore at all - like transferring my holiday photos to the computer.

Things that have helped (and some have already been mentioned)

• alternating between things I want to do and things I don't want to do (the one I want to do is my reward for doing the other)
• agreeing with myself I will only do something for 5 minutes (If I haven't finished clearing up the kitchen after 5 minutes, then I MUST stop - surprising how often I decide "Oh I'll just finish this after all)
• writing the list of NAs I must do this weekend on the blackboard in the kitchen, and wiping them off as they are done (amazingly satisfying)
• consciously thinking about the outcome of doing or not doing, and making a conscious decision about which outcome I wish to live with for the next week (If I don't complete my income tax form by the deadline next week, I will get fined £100. Which option is least bad - paying an extra £100 or sitting down at the computer and filling the horrible thing in?)
• making sure I've broken the task down into granular NA's and then only doing the first one (I liked the idea I read here about saying "Oh I'll just......" even if that is only "Oh I'll just take that jumper that needs mending downstairs".
• plan a reward for a task that is causing particular problems
• make a conscious decision not to do some things on the list this week. I use the blackboard for this - if it's not on the board then I'm not obliged to do it (and the "have-to" aspect goes away).

Good luck!

Ruth