davinia said:
I've been realizing how much I had resisted staying organized previously because making my tasks fully conscious is really scary - it makes putting them off a very different kind of choice than it was when I could shuffle a lot of what I ought to be doing to the back of my mind and have it making me vaguely anxious. Now it's in black and white, crystal clear in front of me, and while it's theoretically off my mind, that only holds true when I'm actually working. There are a lot of times when I look at all the NAs and feel how deeply I don't want to do them, and I choose to either put them off and do something entirely non-productive or to make a choice about what to do based solely on how much I like a task rather than on sound reasons for what it would be best to use my time for. Or I avoid reviewing my lists because they make me so anxious. Then my lists come pouring back into my mind and making me worry because I know I ought to be doing something from my lists. Essentially, GTD is making it impossible for me to not consciously recognize the poor choices I make when I don't use time that should be spent being productive actually working. . .
OK, I'm going to take a stab because I identify greatly with what you are describing.
You used the words "should" and "ought to" several times in describing your problem. The book
The Now Habit, in my opinion, is great for people with this kind of problem.
You are (I assume) an adult now, living in a pretty free society: you can do whatever you want to do. Of course, you have to accept the consequences of what you do, but do whatever you want! Let me explain.
The thing that has helped me is to change my way of thinking about the actions I'm resisting. The word "should" is not allowed. In the morning, I start by asking myself
"What do I want to do today?" And I assure myself that I do not have to do anything that I do not want to do. It's almost like starting out with the plan to play hooky all day. But then I will always start thinking, If I don't do X, I'm not going to like the eventual consequences. So I
want to do X for that reason. Yes, it's like some sort of bizarre, pathetic reverse psychology, but for me, it works, and apparently it helps other perfectionistic, anxious, responsible, guilt-ridden procrastinator types too.
So in the morning, I make a list of everything I
want to do today. For each thing, I write all the
reasons I want to do that thing. Sometimes the reason is mostly to avoid some punishing consequence (for example, if I don't register by the deadline, I'll have to get lots of signatures and pay hefty late fees to register later). But when I feel that I am choosing to do what I want to do, and I know the reasons for doing it, I feel that I am in control rather than being controlled by a list of NAs. (By the way, I do not have to do this exercise every morning or about every action, just when procrastination threatens, whether in general or regarding certain actions.)
Here is an example of how this attitude change has really helped me not to procrastinate on a task. Every week, I create a plan that specifies details that are followed by a number of people in real time the following week. After I create the plan, 6 or 7 people have to do their own jobs to get ready to make it work the following week. It takes me 30-60 minutes to do this task. For a lot of reasons I do understand, plus probably more that I don't, I really hate doing this task! It would be best for the people who are waiting for the plan if I completed it Monday. Tuesday would be fine. Friday is absolutely the last day, but some weeks Wednesday or Thursday might be the last day. If I procrastinate till Friday, people rarely complain, but I have learned that my procrastination really makes life miserable for them. That knowledge has become my reason for
wanting to complete the task by Tuesday at the latest. So on Monday or Tuesday I tell myself, I want to complete the plan by this afternoon so that the people I care about will not experience so much stress.
The other part of the anti-procrastination that has worked for me is insisting that I make time to do things I really enjoy. Not just big things like planning a trip or hike, but 'little' things like reading, surfing the internet, socializing, and participating in forums. Life is too short not to enjoy yourself. I was not really making any time for fun; my attitude was that work is much more important than play. By changing my attitude to see play as important, too, I have actually been more attracted to my work and have gotten more of it done. When I consciously make a
choice to take time to play, I start to feel a sense of urgency about my work that does not occur when I'm doing the same activities but while procrastinating while I'm "supposed" to be working.
