artsinaction;97949 said:
I really have to jump back in here. I am tickled... totally tickled at the interest and fabulous suggestions my dog food situation has elicited. ...
But I have to clarify that my daughter (she's my step-daughter, so I take no credit for how rockin' incredible she is) is extremely responsible.
You're quite right. Some of the things I suggested were too harsh.
I'm thinking about this more as a an interesting example that
I and others may learn something from, than to find
any more suggestions for you, so I hope you don't mind if I continue
the discussion.
I was wondering: how to give the child opportunities to learn responsibility
smoothly and pleasantly, i.e. while the parent models civility and cooperation
rather than harshness and punishment?
I thought, how about when the child says "I've just used up the dog food,"
you could say "Thanks, you showed responsibility by telling me that.
... and, next time you can show even more responsibility by telling me when
there are only about 5 or 10 days of dog food left!"
But that sounds like a criticism and deflates the compliment.
So then I thought: you can just say "Thanks, you showed responsibility by telling me that!" And then, when there are about 3 weeks of dog food left, you can
tell the child, "If you ever notice there are only a couple of weeks or less
of dog food left, you can show responsibility by telling me." The idea here is
that the child can relatively easily remember to tell you a few days later.
If however the child immediately replies, "Actually, there are only a couple
of weeks of dog food left right now," you can give a positive reply like
"Oh, thanks for telling me! OK, I'll make a note to buy more."
(Not "oops, this isn't working, I was supposed to warn you a week earlier"
or something.)
This way, the child is learning a skill which will be of long-term use to the
child throughout the child's adult life: noticing when a supply of something is getting low
and doing something about it. And then if for some reason your tickle
file doesn't work and you don't buy the dog food, the child may usefully
remind you.
Maybe an easier way to start: when you want to check how much
dog food is left, instead of looking yourself, ask the child: "About how much
dog food is left right now?" The child may not be good at estimating
the number of days of food left; just accept that it's going to be very
approximate and don't criticize; the child may naturally get better at
that with time. If the child just says "Oh, lots!" then you can say
"Thanks. And let me know if you ever happen to notice it's less than about
half a bag." And still ask again every couple of weeks.
Generally, a positive response "Thanks for telling me!", (not "Why didn't
you tell me earlier?" or "Oh, no! I'll have to change my plans for the day!")
will encourage the child to approach you with that sort of information.
Cathy