Help needed!

[Suelin23]

I have a 9 year old son. Monday nights we all go swimming - my son does learn to swim classes, my husband hydrotherapy and I do laps. But before my son's class we have a fun casual swim together. During the weeknights I help him with his homework, and also try to fit in some time to read books together. On the weekends we do outings together and play Xbox games (Kinect is great family fun), and play on the trampoline and in the garden.
My husband found a hobby to do with him - making model cars, and they also play Xbox games together. I also encourage my son to draw and do artwork, and my son also does music practice each night, although it's normally my husband that sits with him for that.

 

[Soland]

Everything you suggest sounds great & inspiring! Please keep going with your advices and showing the way you live your life!

I just switch off the TV as suggested. I understood that I'm not that bad because I read to my daughter daily and spent weekends with her. The only thing I need is a hobby that would come as an exchange of the lack of TV. I hope.

 

[TesTeq]

Start running!

The only thing I need is a hobby that would come as an exchange of the lack of TV. I hope.

Start running with a goal to run 5K race, then 10K race, then half marathon and then full marathon. You'll like it!

GMD - Getting Marathon Done!

 

[alexdrum111]

Make a list of all the reasons you do not want to watch TV and all the reasons you want to do alternatives and read the list every time you do something that your are going to do anyway (like drink a glass of water, eat, etc.).

 

[mattsykes]

I would suggest you start small.

To begin with, on your way home, plan 1 or 2 actions that you're going to do that evening. They don't have to be big - indeed, try and make them small so you get momentum. Then do them before you have dinner.

After a week, then, add on having dinner at the table instead of infront of the TV. You can watch TV after dinner.

After a week, have one or two more items planned on your way home, and do 2 before dinner, 2 after dinner.

You can then grow from there how you want.

TV isn't a terrible thing, but yes you should break the habit - get in your headspace how you would feel about your homelife if in 5 years you look back and see a whole lot of sitting on the couch, watching TV.

 

[Myriam]

start really smal

I would suggest you start small.

Start with one day a week... make monday (or whatever day is more convenient) "no TV day" and start from there.

You might then also start to have a context "@no tv day" for things that come your way during the week and of which you think "hey, I might do this on monday" (could be whatever small thing as Mattsykes points out: "I need to call Mom" would be a good one in GTD terms ) ... soon your monday will be full, and then you can add a day. Or not, if you're happy like that!

Myriam

ps: I know, @notvday is not really a context, but during the project of building this new habbit, it can temporary very well serve as one

 

[cwoodgold]

You don't have to feel inspired. David Burns says you can do things even if
you don't feel like doing them, and after you start doing them then you'll
likely start enjoying them.

You can cut back gradually on the TV (if you don't donate it). How do you
manage to turn it off at bedtime now? You can shift that gradually and with
difficulty to earlier times. You can delay the beginning of TV-watching each day,
maybe starting with 2 minutes of just eating dinner before turning on the TV.
And/or you can keep the TV off say one day a week, and later increase to more days.

You can do stuff to improve your health, and then you'll have more energy
to turn off the TV. I find that blood sugar level is important. When you're
about to eat dinner, you may have low blood sugar and then it's harder to
get up the mental energy to say no to TV (though you can still say no anyway).
Having a good balance of protein, fat and carbohydrates at both breakfast and lunch
can help; the protein and fat (oil) give longer-lasting energy.
If necessary, a snack mid-afternoon or on the way home from work may help.
You can exercise, e.g. get off a bus at a different stop and walk or run home,
or run around the block (or in the forest or whatever you have)
after getting home but before entering the house, etc. That will help you
feel more energetic.

Before turning on the TV, you can set two alarms, one for the time
you want to turn off the TV, and one for maybe 5 minutes earlier.
Put both alarms far enough away that you have to get up and walk
out of sight of the TV to turn them off. You can have a rule that
you have to turn off the TV before walking over to turn off the
second alarm.

You can do activities that other people enjoy, even if you don't enjoy
them, and after you've cut back on the TV likely you'll gradually start
enjoying them and eventually wonder why you were wasting all that
time on TV.

Family activities: get some board games and invite family members to
play. You could start by doing it regularly once a week. Even if they
don't want to, you could tell them you all ought to have more family
time and try to get them to do it anyway. If you try out different
games you and they may start liking some of them. Get a deck of cards and
there are lots of games you and your family can learn to play and
maybe discover you like some of them. Get a ball and play throw
and catch. I used to have loads of fun playing a version of
monkey-in-the-middle. Or think of useful or educational things
to do. Or go for a walk with a family member.

Get more sleep, and everything will get easier and more attractive.

These days I do Sudoku, probably spending more time on it than I should.
I sing in a choir. I play games with my family occasionally.
I solve French-language crossword puzzles. I read library books.
We grew a few vegetables in our garden. Etc.

 

[cwoodgold]

Games my family has enjoyed playing together include Cribbage, Rummy,
Clue, Upwords, and Bananagrams. For around age 8 maybe card games Crazy 8's,
"Cheat", and Hearts. There's also Fish, and a memory game where you have
to find pairs of cards.

Congratulations on switching off the TV!

I suggest avoiding eating and watching TV at the same time. Eating while
doing something gives your subconscious a signal that the activity is
rewarding and conditions you to want to do it more.

TV is a supranormal stimulus, like baby bottles instead of breastfeeding.
It shows such rapid and intense emotions and violence that your
brain homeostatically adjusts and tones down your reactions, and maybe then
you don't react much to real life either.
But after cutting back on TV gradually you can start noticing that
you're enjoying things.

Jamie has a great idea: move to the sea! Or if that seems too big for now,
maybe you can put a large or medium-sized swimming-pool in your yard,
and/or go regularly to a public swimming pool with your daughter.
When I was a kid we had a round above-ground swimming pool
about 12 feet across and usually a foot or so deep, and I had a lot
of fun in it. Sometimes we made the water go around and around,
and my favourite was making a "wave", where the water alternately
came up in the middle of the pool and sloshed out to the sides.

You could build swings and playstructures and a treehouse in your
yard for your daughter and her friends to play on.

Think about what you like about vacations, and try to arrange your
life so that your evenings and weekends are like that. Each day is
a unique day in your life to be enjoyed.

You can find out what activities for kids are available in your region, and
take your daughter there. Museums; art galleries; circuses; indoor or outdoor
parks with complicated playstructures to climb on; clubs
or communities that hold picnics, sports, playgroups, festivals,
parades, theatre for children, etc.
Some of those things could be fun for you too, or you can enjoy
letting your daughter have fun. You can do a variety of things on different days.

Ah, 8 years old: that's a great age to read aloud funny books by Gordon Korman
e.g. "This Can't be Happening at MacDonald Hall!", "No Coins Please",
"Why did the Underwear Cross the Road?", etc.
They're really funny. I really enjoyed reading them to my kids;
I laughed with them. Harry Potter is good too.

How far is it from where you live to the nearest wave pool?

 

[cwoodgold]

You might like the book "You Don't Have to Go Home from Work Exhausted"
by Anne McGee-Cooper. I really liked "Time Management for Unmanageable
People" by the same author.

I also do Pilates, Tai Chi and Contra Dancing. You need exercise; it makes you
feel better mentally as well as physically. You could get a dog -- I just saw
a headline that says dog owners stay active; and training it could be a hobby.

I do a bit of art occasionally. I greatly improved my drawing skills using the
book "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" and occasionally do line drawings
of flowers and colour them with water-colour paints.

You could give your daughter games for Christmas and then play them with her
throughout the year. For that age I recommend The Amazing Labyrinth and
The Enchanted Forest, both games by Ravensburger. Kerplunk could be fun too,
or marbles, or Chinese Checkers. Maybe some co-operative games from
Family Pastimes. Maybe classic games chess, checkers, go and backgammon,
but let her win sometimes (you could take a handicap).

 

[Cpu_Modern]

You could give your daughter games for Christmas and then play them with her
throughout the year. For that age I recommend The Amazing Labyrinth and
The Enchanted Forest, both games by Ravensburger.

I second this. I played both games in that age and loved them both. Good stuff.

Kerplunk could be fun too, or marbles, or Chinese Checkers. Maybe some co-operative games from Family Pastimes. Maybe classic games chess, checkers, go and backgammon, but let her win sometimes (you could take a handicap).

For that role I suggest trying out Settlers of Catan.

 

[cwoodgold]

Make a difference.

You can do something that makes a difference: get involved in a political party, environmental group or community association, start an educational club, sign up for volunteer work etc. What do you want to be different about the world, your region or your neighbourhood? Imagine digging a canal and having the sea pour in ...