Is Goal Setting Bad for You?

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I see 2 separate issues.

1) How do you get more of what you want, and less of what you don't want.

2) What info people are SELLING about #1.

On the most basic level, every organism is a goal-seeking machine. Food, water, mating, etc.

My beef is not with setting out to get what you want. To me that is great. Its HOW one goes about it, that matters.

What we have out there, are MANY salesmen selling countless programs to allegedly help us get more of what we want. But the problem is, many of these programs have "bad info" in them, in my opinion.

Some of the worst, in my view, are people like Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra, and the New Age crowd. If you read that stuff, they basically say just Visualize you wildest Dreams, write them down on a piece of paper, and by using MindPower you can Manifest them into your reality, and let the Universe handle all of the details... Well...give it a try...good luck...

Then you have the Brian Tracy type folks, who give a reasonable strategy to achieve goals, and basically every program they sell is about achieving goals. They have about 37 different programs all teaching the same thing, with different titles.
Then you have the Tony Robbins scene, where there are some reasonable strategies, BUT, he claims you must make your goals a MUST, which is going to drive you crazy, and be counterproductive. (I personally believe that Robbins is 100% aware of this, and frankly, that is why he recommends it. Its about stirring up the customers PAIN, and then healing this pain with your products and services).

The problem is that these Goal Salesmen, use the IDEA of getting more of what you want, to SELL you stuff, that is, more of their programs. They take a valid idea, and then they get you to believe that their system is going to show you exactly how to get what you want in life. Some of these guys, like Robbins, even have these courses that go up to 50K to teach you his Occult secrets of the Universe!!!! Seriously! They even try to train you to believe you NEED a superexpensive "coach" to achieve your objectives. Do we notice how all of the strategies are upsells to more expensive products and services?

I say its mainly BS supersalesmanship.
I say its much simpler than this.
You set your Objective, based on your Values, and then you set to taking your Actions, and persist over time, and seize opportunities, be flexible, never give up, etc.
What the Goals Salesmen do, is to get you to Phantasize about your wildest dreams, and ideals. They build you up, giving you a Big Claim. They say you can have everything you DESIRE.
Then...they tell you that their programs will show you how to do it. Sales 101.

That's the problem from my point of view.
How to sort the valuable info, from the manipulative, self-serving salesmanship, bad info and wishful thinking.

So for me, it comes down to figuring out the best strategies for getting more of what we want.

Select a project (Outcome-Goal), and DO THE VERY NEXT ACTION.
Sounds simple but its very profound.
 
PS:
One point i forgot to make, that others have mentioned, is that all of the Goal-Setting stuff can actually make people do WORSE!
It can become an AVOIDANCE strategy.
Instead of Just Doing It, like many successful people do, some people who are AFRAID of failing, rejection, etc, instead focus on Goal-Setting, and Wishful Thinking, and they fall behind.
I have heard many people say that they got better results BEFORE they knew any of this Goal-Setting stuff!!!
In my view, this is because all of the Goal-Setting is just a way to AVOID doing the hard work, and risking failure and rejection.
 
Coz,

of course you are right. The kind of unrealistic goal-setting that you describe can lead to isolation, fear and avoidance. If a person only sees herself or himself in that dream or goal and forgets everyone else than there is no way to reach that goal. The machine is reved up but there's no gear for "the rubber to meet the road".

But that doesn't mean that setting goals is generally bad. Goals must be realistic and communication with your spouse, children, friends, siblings, parents, co-workers, bosses, neighbours, club members etc is key to realistic goal setting.

Those BS salesmen are utilizing the fact that many people are socially isolated, in financial debt and deperately searching for a way out of their misery. But instead of showing them how they can learn to help themselves those salesmen are just keeping them in dependency.

Whenever I read stuff like "All you need is a burning desire and an unwavering vision of what will eventually materialize" I have to laugh out loud because I curb my desires to keep the balance on the way that is my goal.

Thanks
Rainer
 
What the Goals Salesmen do, is to get you to Phantasize about your wildest dreams, and ideals. They build you up, giving you a Big Claim. They say you can have everything you DESIRE.
Then...they tell you that their programs will show you how to do it. Sales 101.
Click to expand...

Light bulb award to Coz – you put it so well.

Normally, a salesman has to paint a wonderful picture for us of what his product can do. Some do it subtly, some dramatically.

But goal-setter salesmen: they get US to paint the wonderful picture by getting us to imagine what ever we could have if there were no limits.

Then they tell us their product can get it for us.

Unbelievable.

Second light-bulb award to Rainer.

I have often tried to visualise who these guys were REALLY writing for. Tony Robbins’s Notes from a Friend got me close to the truth, although I did not spot it: his stuff is for the poor and the desperate, who can only go upwards, and who really have nothing to lose by committing themselves “passionately” to a plan of action.

The other target audience implied by these books is a lonely twenty year old man, who has probably neglected his education, and who has just woken up to realise that the live-for-today teenage fantasy was a myth. He also has nothing to lose, and needs to make a massive effort to get on course for a reasonable life.

But it is a different story for those of us who’s lives have progressed on a number of different fronts. We have embedded ourselves into commitments of a family/financial nature, and we really cannot fling ourselves madly into any single project.

To answer you Coz (“I would be interested in seeing what others do to get more of what they want”) I think being more organised, getting streamlined, dropping old bad habits and developing new good habits, are the things that will get us to move towards the things we want.

Left to ourselves, we are unlikely to do any crazy goal setting. But we will probably aim to do the things that our friends and acquaintances do. Ted and Sally have a cabin in the country; Mary goes to a gym; Betty is taking up a history course in September; and so on.

These things are “normal” in the context of the world and lifestyle we are familiar with. Speaking for myself, I never feel I have to “get passionate” or “prioritise ruthlessly” in order to copy my friends – instead, I feel I have to get organised, get a little self discipline, start saving, get to bed earlier, get up earlier, read a brochure and so on.

In other words, the wherewithal to copy my friends is already easily within my grasp.

(In fact, I think one of the things I have noticed about audacious goals is that there is a critical information gap – and this lack of information and experience is the mine-field where we can perish, or at least, experience unbearable stress).

So, to answer your question Coz – I have joined a gym to shed the 15 pounds I gained since last year; to catch up on my reading, (I have hundreds of books) I picked out 25, so I can now just put away the rest neatly on the shelves, and forget about them until next year; to acquire an investment property I am meeting a couple of financial advisers to make sure I understand the full tax impact; and so on.

One thing I find extremely hard to accept is the limited amount of time I have. I wrestle endlessly with the shape of my day. It took me three months to decide that morning was the best time for gym. I wanted to real ALL of my books NOW, but as soon as I accepted the limitation and made a small selection, I settled into “relaxed productivity” on the reading front.

I look out for little techniques: I really like the idea of rewarding oneself after getting a task done (as someone once pointed out, it can even be as simple a reward as tossing your pencil in the air – the main thing is that you do not allow yourself to do it until the task is done).

I like Alec MacKenzie’s description of the compulsive finisher.

Basically, I think this a case of micro-management – try to develop a way of making little decisions about what-to-do-next that keep you on course (the oil-tanker metaphor again).

DFE
 
DFE,

thank you for the light-bulb award! :D

I really like that oil-tanker metaphor.
Micro-management? That means managing your own energy, right?
And what about sleep management? :wink:

Regards
Rainer
 
CosmoGTD said:
Hi there, you are touching on many challenging issues, and i feel your pain!
I am a "creative" type, and have many friends in that line of work, so i see the conflicts that arise with other aspects of life, especially Family. I have creative friends who have "had" to take out of town jobs, thus sacrificing being close to their children. That is tough stuff.

I do not have the total answer, and am not a totally balanced person. BUT, from a young age i never wanted to "just make a living", and then do what i REALLY wanted to do as a hobby.
I turned my deepest passions into my livelihood.

BUT, there are always serious challenges.
I will throw out one idea i use.

For instance, for part of my living, i am a singer, and a film actor. Those used to be Dreams of mine, now they are Jobs. What i learned though, is that even these creative dream jobs still have lots of HASSLES. They still have lots of little details. So-called Creativity seems to me to be lots of very detailed work! GTD is great for this. The so-called Creative part is sorta just flying by the seat of my pants and pretending i know what i am doing!

Also, i personally still have to do LOTS of things i would prefer i did not have to do. I still have to do crappy performing jobs at times, just for the money.
How i made this OK in my mind was very simple.

Every organism has to Survive. Humans throughout evolution have had to hunt and gather, etc to survive. I am no different. The difference is that we live in a pecuniary society, so i call this $urvival. We all basically have to do things to make the money we need to $urvive. So frankly, even as a so-called Creative person, more than 50% of my time is doing these types of so-called "soulless" activities. That's just the way the world works, so i ACCEPT it now, and then its not so bad. Its just like a bumble-bee getting his honey!
So basically, we ALL have to do that crap, so we might as well accept it, and if not enjoy it, then at least tolerate it.

Lastly, over the years i have evolved a visual image for my entire life. I have drawn and redrawn it COUNTLESS times on a large sheet of drafting paper.
I have chosen to represent my entire life as a SPHERE, and have marked out all of my main areas of life. Career, Capital, Home, Relationships, Physical, Psychological, Philosophical, Technological, Travel, etc etc.
I have 3 main areas, Career-Self-Relationships, which divide into 14 basic areas, and these break down Fractally into more areas. (sort of like Roles, and sub-roles).
It would take a very long time to describe the entire thing, but suffice it to say that it is a Visual-Linguistic overview of my entire Self and Life. All of the different areas are connected with all of the other areas. They feed off of each other.
So for instance, improving my Interpersonal skills, improves several areas of my life, including Creative!!
I had to do this, as when i was younger, i was totally single-minded in the pursuit of creative career goals, and this produced some undesirable results!

So i don't have everything "perfect" now, but i do have a comprehensive Visual-Linguistic structure, that contains the entirety of my existence.
In the center of the sphere is my ultimate life purpose. This is the CENTER of the entire thing. Its similar to what Frankl says in "Mans Search For Meaning".
Then there is a hierarchy of Values, and "Goals" and objectives, and ideas i am always moving toward.
On the outer edges of the sphere is the mundane day to day real life stuff.

So just looking at this, and thinking about it, reminds me of what i am doing with my "life", all the way from the Cosmic to running errands, and cleaning the toilet. In my mind, it is a unified unbroken wholeness. It is always growing and changing, and the core of this is a type of "North Star" which integrates the entire structure. So literally no matter what i am doing, it ALWAYS fits somewhere within this structure. Even writing this note fits into it. So no matter where i am or what i am doing, i can measure it against this structure.

Its hard to describe all of this, but i know its just a structure in my mind, to give my life meaning, structure, and direction.

You could start with only 3 areas...
Professional/Personal/Creative
And then break these down more specifically into Roles and Projects.
Then i would use GTD to carry out the "details" of each of these. This actually creates the dreaded synergy, and over time things really start to "come-together".
This way, when you are with the kids, you enjoy them, and when you are at work, you make the best of it, and carve out other time to push the Creative stuff forward. Perhaps one day the Creative will start bring in money, and then you have even more problems!!!!!
GTD has helped me carry out this stuff, not perfectly, but better than before. Its a great system for putting the Ideal into action right now.

ok, enough Philosophizing for now, back to work!!!

Coz

Anonymous said:
Coz

How do you do it? I basically have two lives running in parallel: the “professional career” I somehow ended up in, which is clerical, cold, and soulless; and the life I wish I had led – one rich in artistic creativity and reward. My main work goal is to minimise stress. Nothing more. My main artistic goal is somehow, someday, to earn my crust through artistic expression. But the years are pushing on.

The mis-fit between these two “lives” has inner seismic consequences. I guess I approach every weekend hoping against hope that I can drag some solid creative satisfaction from the hours available, but of course, this single minded approach means that all the other areas – family, rest, spiritual etc get scant attention, with the inevitable painful consequences. If I persist I hurt them, if I compromise I become filled with resentment. And furthermore at the moment, as I described in my first post, I have two other mundane but important projects to attend to.

I’d kill for a fully integrated vista as you describe it! :cry:

DFE
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

There's something out there called "The Wheel of Balance" (I can't find it currently :-p). Anyways it helps coach you toward/away from areas of your life that indicate where you're out of balance (e.g. Spiritual, Rest, Nutrition, etc.) Good reference.

However, earlier in your post, you hinted at something that concerned me:
* If you're not living a life that you love, and living it powerfully, choose to either love the life you have, or create a life that you love.
* I have found that if I'm not in a career that I love, STOP. I have buried both my parents; neither one looked back and said, "Wow, wish I would have worked more hours at that office job."
* Make CHOICES, not DECISIONS.

----------------------------------------
Decision:
[Middle English deciden, from Old French decider, from Latin dcdere, to cut off, decide : d-, de- + caedere, to cut; see ka-id- in Indo-European Roots.]

Choice:
pick out, select, or choose from a number of alternatives
----------------------------------------

Look at the root of the word(s). To DECIDE is to eliminiate, or kill off, all other options (i.e. all words ending in -CIDE). To choose is to select freely from the alternatives.

IMHO, set your own path and stick to it.
 
Are Goals Bad For You?

Coz, I think there is an earlier stage in the process than the two you describe. You gotta figure out what you want before you start working on how to get more of it!!

That seems to come real easy for some people. Others, like myself, struggle more with it (particularly the “work” part).

I’ve found some of the techniques in this area recommended by Covey, Robbins et al to be helpful. For me the encouragement to “dream” however seems only to engender dissatisfaction and a loss of focus and with it, loss of drive to get things done (since there is uncertainty over whether it is worth doing as its unclear whether it really matters).

I want to be proactive and in control and make things happen but (as DFE seems to have experienced as well), there’s a distinctly limited amount of “discretionary” time to undertake “change of direction” activities, after taking into account the time required for what I would describe as “core” activities – things like work (it pays the bills and I’m not so sure of the alternatives that I’m ready to starve to pursue them), nurturing family relationships, maintaining & improving my own physical, spiritual and mental health and well-being.

I realise that to a large extent that is a statement about what I value most. And mostly that’s OK, but the fuzzy area for me is “work”.

Every now and then I have this feeling that there must be some more satisfying “work” activity than what I’m doing at present that could pay at least as well, and if it had the benefit of being something that I really love doing as well, then that’s got to be worth pursuing, hasn’t it?

I do believe that if something is important to you, then you’ll make time to do it. Maybe its stating the obvious, but after years of trying to get “alternative” careers off the ground (without really having made any major shift), it might just be the case that a large part of the reason for not having done so is that (in the final analysis) they are not important enough to me.

Nevertheless, it is still quite tough to look at yourself and admit that what you previously thought was “true north” turns out to be another detour. And yet the feeling persists, that if I’ve been this dissatisfied for so long over my original career path, then surely it must be right to change – but to what, and how? Is it a matter of “keep searching” How long, oh Lord, how long … ?

I do not find GTD hugely helpful here. The process seems to me to assume that when “stuff” turns up, the evaluation of whether or not its worthwhile to do any of it has already been done. Or is my implementation at fault - should that evaluation be done as part of the processing of the in-box?

Maybe I need a project and associated next actions on “Clarify my ultimate purpose/vision/mission for my career”?

It seems to me that there is little doubt that sometimes, the “dream big” approaches do work. There are plenty of people out there who have achieved what seemingly was “impossible”, and they did not do it by using the SMART goals approach.

But there are also plenty of folks who have a deep sense of fulfilment despite not fretting over these issues.

So how do I work out for myself the way to go? I think it would be helpful to find out what other posters have found to be most useful to them in clarifying their own vision, values etc. particularly as regards choice of career.

I suspect that in part, its doing things like this – reflecting on what’s worked, what hasn’t, etc, that is what is needed. Of course part of me wants to read more books about this, but I’m a bit wary of getting into the literature about “discovering your life purpose” in case it’s a cue for another detour. As you said Coz, that sounds like an avoidance strategy.

But tell me your strategies anyway in case I can make them work for me. Thanks.
 
As far as the Big Picture Life Purpose thing, all i can say there is to trust one's own Intuition.
What i have done, and refined over the years, was to imagine i was totally financially independent. I very cleary imagine this.
Then i say, if that were the case, what would i want to DO?

then i just BRAINSTORM a bunch of things out. You do this many many times, and you will begin to see patterns.

In my case, lots of things come into my mind. (I am not talking about leisure activities).
Then once i got that Vision, then i START moving in that direction NOW, and integrating those things into what i am doing now.

The weird thing is, that once you achieve many of these Visions, you realize they weren't what you thought they were!
So i see this as a life long process, always growing and adapting.

Also, you might consider some of the Self-Assessment tools used in Career Counselling. But personally, i have found those too pedantic for me.

I made the decision years ago, to fuse my Lifes Purpose and my Career into one concept. This is very challenging, but it gives you enormous power. Frankly, i had to design my own concept that made sense to me.
That's what it comes down to.
What makes sense to YOU.

My work is my passion for me, i am proud to say, that SOMETIMES i feel my Vocation is my Vacation, and vice versa.
Sometimes...

Coz
 
Anonymous said:
Look at the root of the word(s). To DECIDE is to eliminiate, or kill off, all other options (i.e. all words ending in -CIDE). To choose is to select freely from the alternatives.

IMHO, set your own path and stick to it.
Click to expand...

Besides deciding and choosing there is at least a third possibility to find your path:

Some people call it "incubating" and "waiting for input from your internal sources". Other people call it "action through non-action". Or you might as well call it "to courageously and patiently wait until the mud in the water of your mind has settled".

Sometimes it is hard to instinctively or intuitively realize or notice what is the appropriate behaviour for the situation your in: to decide, to choose, to wait or to engage. Often it is our character that makes us do what we do. And that's where the individual attitude comes into play.

For me a person's character is the (often unconscious) way the person manages the access to and expression of her/his inner energy sources (the temperament). E.g. when you get into a difficult situation with several obstacles while you are managing a project at work you could use the amount of physical and mental energy that you have to either sit down and elaborate a plan for decision making, or choose one of the options that you have (e.g. set up a meeting) , or file that problem into your tickler file (let it rest and wait for an idea), or attack the obstacles full of enthusiasm.

See what I mean? Often our characters and attitudes lead us along the risky ways. That seems to be the reason why there are people who succeed without any goal setting and others fail although they have an elaborated set of missions, purposes and goals.

"Is Goal Setting Bad for You?", well, I guess that's the wrong question.
Make that: "Is Goal Setting Helpful and Useful for You (Being the person you are in the situation you are in)?".

Rainer
 
50K view vs street view

I don't thing goal setting is bad - however it is something that is done at 50,000 ft altitude. At this height it is easy to see the direction one is going, and set up milestones/goals to help oneself. However if one it at this height all the time, then it will be equivalent to day dreaming. This height belongs to goal setting.

However, goal achieving is done at street level. At this height one can't see beyond one street, one doesn't know if there are any traffic jams in the vicinity. The skills required at this level are quite different from that at 50000 feet.

In my opinion, one can do the goal setting at the 50000 ft level, and then one needs to come up with a strategy for the street level execution. It is not easy to do this translation (50000 ft objectives to street-smart tactics).

So do the goal-setting/reviewing once a month. Day-dreaming (goal-setting) at stree level may result in one being runover!

Siva
 
Re: It's all in how you do it...

davidr521 said:
What I do today is a combination of:
* GTD
* Tasks (I _heavily_ use these in Outlook/Palm)

I use a tool DAILY called Bonsai Outliner by Natara Software (Palm OS).
Dave
Click to expand...

Dave

I would be really keen to hear the practical linking of these three tools - I've been struggling with categories. Maybe you can let me into the secrets of your workflow!!

Regards, Fiona
 
Re: 50K view vs street view

Siva said:
I don't thing goal setting is bad - however it is something that is done at 50,000 ft altitude. At this height it is easy to see the direction one is going, and set up milestones/goals to help oneself. However if one it at this height all the time, then it will be equivalent to day dreaming. This height belongs to goal setting.

If I remember correctly, DA uses the n0,000 ft levels to relate to time horizons - goal setting is an activity at every mindset level above Runway.

Andrew
Click to expand...
 
It seems to me, it doesn't matter what our Goal/Outcome/Objective/Project is, what really counts is our Behavior (Next Action).
For instance, i cannot think of ONE goal/outcome that is not achieved by some type of Behavior (Next Action).

Example: For a "simple" goal, like losing weight, the reality is that it comes down to daily exercise and proper nutrition. Those are street level next actions (behavior).
Even for a "grandiose" goal, like, "starring in a movie", the reality is that to get that, what it takes are very basic, unsexy next actions. Classes, calls, auditions, student films, memorizing lines, face lift, liposuction, casting couch, etc.
:wink:
Even in an "intellectual" goal, the key thing is to think it through, on paper, and get it published, etc. Even deliberate thinking is a "mental behavior".

What is smart about GTD, is that it is focused on the very Next Action. Its very easy to get caught up in Wishful Thinking, or even overplanning, as a way of avoiding doing the Behavior. It can become a confusing mess, and the person just gives up. Also, our plans fall apart in almost every case, if there are a lot of variables, so its better i think, to just select the Next Action, and then see what happens, and then select the next one, etc.

You can take any Outcome, whether mundane or grandiose, and the bottom line on getting it, are the Behaviors you are going to take TODAY to move you in that direction.

Now of course, after we determine the Next Action, we have to get ourselves to actually DO IT. For me anyway, the way to go about this is to use any Cognitive Behavioral Technique that is available.
So once we define the next action, then actually DOING it is the key to the entire thing.

The point of Power is in the Next Action (Behavior).

Perhaps we should start a thread about how to get ourselves to actually DO the next actions, in the cases where they just sit on our lists, and "somehow" never get done. (Avoidance).

I have a question for everyone:

Can anyone think of ANY goal/objective/outcome/project , under our personal influence, that can be achieved without taking the very Next Action (Behavior)?

Coz
 
I have had a fantastic career writing software, never having set a goal for it. I fell into it because I absolutely loved it and just wanted to do it more and more. I had no idea where to look for work, but a professor invited me to join a company before I graduated, then every company after that asked me to join rather than me asking them, and they've been great jobs that I enjoyed for the most part.

I did make a goal of marrying my husband. He was on the fence for quite a few years, so I just went ahead and remodeled my home to fit him and subtly changed my lifestyle to accomodate children, without nagging him unduly about his spot on the fence. Eventually his stepfather opened his planner and told him to pick a wedding date, and he did.

I used to read "Think and Grow Rich," and I tried to set goals the way Hill advised. Nothing happened from that. I can't even remember the goals. I don't know why I liked that approach so much.

I have a page in my binder after the someday/maybe list called "things I used to want to do." On it are several huge goals (start a school, open a bookstore). However they had no immediacy so they came to naught. In doing the mundane next actions (or some of them at least), I've started to think long term in a more realistic way. I recently reread that page carefully (wondering why I wrote it) and noticed a few current "goals" written at the bottom and a few "stumbling blocks," and I realized I had since removed the stumbling blocks and achieved some of the goals. The goals were to feel better and have more energy, and I accomplished that by joining a health club and adding regular exercise to my weekly routine. I think maybe the goal-setting exercise came from another how-to book, but I used GTD methods to achieve the results, simply writing things down and doing them.

Cris
 
Wow - someone achived something without setting a clear plan, organizing it, and working towards it!
Just kidding - but still, this goes back to the point I made before. For the big picture things, I think it's better to be moving and be flexible.
 
This Thread

Zootski, I love this thread.

zootski said:
One of the best threads for a very long time. I am now procrastinating because this thread really inspired me. Such is life. One quote:

"I suspect that single minded people do not have the capacity to regret the lack of balance in their lives – that’s their mental make-up, they feel happy, and do not feel the pull from other areas they are ignoring."

Very insightful - it's easy to get hung up on this, as it is very unusual for people to succeed at their 'passion' or whatever you want to call it. Or more accurately, it's very unusual for someone to become 'world class' at that thing. So all these books focus on unusual people like Michael Jordan, and yes, it turns out the guy was VERY VERY focused (and phenomenally talented) and some parts of his life suffered because of it, despite his very real successes.

I started a small firm during the dotcom boom - I spoke to an older, perhaps jaded venture capitalist and he warned me he couldn't count how many people he had known over the years who had spent years of the most productive healthy parts of their lives determined to be successful entrepreneurs and failing. Of course, only a few can really succeed, and it's up to the individual to decide how far to take it.

For a few years I was working as a consultant to a local power utility. I noticed that a lot of the people doing some of the most boring jobs were in fact VERY INTERESTING PEOPLE. Why? Because they have a life. The CAD manager who is in fact an artist in her spare time and uses every minute of her holiday to pursue her art. The actor who has given up (we are all over 40) on becoming 'successful' and famous, and is spending his free time acting in local productions. I saw him and it was a moving experience - many 'not vey successful' artists of all stripes have a lot to say.

Seems to me that some of the most interesting people actually gravitate to some rather mundane jobs - and save their energy for the other part of their lives.

Zootski
Click to expand...
 
GOAL SETTING THREAD

Great thread you all! I have really been enjoying following this thread! You have come up with some great problem solutions!

Bridgette
 
Re: Are Goals Bad For You?

Justin said:
Every now and then I have this feeling that there must be some more satisfying “work” activity than what I’m doing at present that could pay at least as well, and if it had the benefit of being something that I really love doing as well, then that’s got to be worth pursuing, hasn’t it?

I do believe that if something is important to you, then you’ll make time to do it. Maybe its stating the obvious, but after years of trying to get “alternative” careers off the ground (without really having made any major shift), it might just be the case that a large part of the reason for not having done so is that (in the final analysis) they are not important enough to me.

Nevertheless, it is still quite tough to look at yourself and admit that what you previously thought was “true north” turns out to be another detour. And yet the feeling persists, that if I’ve been this dissatisfied for so long over my original career path, then surely it must be right to change – but to what, and how? Is it a matter of “keep searching” How long, oh Lord, how long … ?

So how do I work out for myself the way to go? I think it would be helpful to find out what other posters have found to be most useful to them in clarifying their own vision, values etc. particularly as regards choice of career.
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Let's focus on this: "after years of trying to get “alternative” careers off the ground (without really having made any major shift), it might just be the case that a large part of the reason for not having done so is that (in the final analysis) they are not important enough to me."

Why don't you work on the assumption that the reason you have not made any progress in a career shift is that it is not important to you? Perhaps you are coming to the realization that after years of being dissatisfied with your career choice, that it is not really the career that you are dissatisfied with. I recently went through a period of about four years of being really dissatisfied with my job. Really wanting out, wanting to do something else. There was a whole process that had led to this. I originally was in a job that I really loved. Loved the work, had a great boss, etc. He was killed in a car accident. I stayed on even though I was not quite as happy with him gone, but still enjoyed the job reasonably. After a few more years, I was laid off. Big shock. A transition period, and then I started working for the boss I work for now. Really liked it. Then baby came along, and because of our family situation and the work situation, I was asked to come back to work part time after two weeks, and full time after two months. I really resented it, and that resentment festered for four years while I looked for a "safe" way out - a way to quit the job without being left in the lurch, and to find something else that still gave me all of the benefits (financial and otherwise) I was accustomed to.

We went through a lot of different scenarios, looking at other jobs, other situations, other cities, etc. etc. during that four years, I fell into a deep depression with the stress, SAD, and a prescription I was on. I realized that none of these other scenarios were working, they were just causing more stress, resentment, and dissatisfaction. So I took a real good look at my job. I was finally able to separate my resentment over having to go back to work so quickly from the rest of the job. And I found that I still really liked my boss, still enjoyed the work, was happy with the pay and benefits, and that the job left me with lots of time and flexibility for family, hobbies, etc. So I was finally able to put all of the other "maybes" and "what ifs" aside, focus on getting healthy and loving my work again, and enjoying all of the benefits that I had been ignoring.

It was a huge relief for me to be able to really come to the understanding that I did not need to ladder climb, look for something more "fulfilling" or with more "freedom", no matter what the rest of the workforce thought. I get what I need to out of work, and I am free to focus on my family, hobbies, interests, and other goals outside of the 9-5 grind.

Brainstorm the things you like about your job. Really think about the benefits of staying or going. If you had to leave all of the benefits of this job, for some elusive dream, would it be worth it? Or do you want all of the benefits of this job *and* your dream - which of course is not going to happen. Think realistically about the work and the negatives you would still have to face if you reached that dream.

Yes, you may find out that you have been reaching for something you really didn't want, that that is why you didn't take it. But isn't it better to figure that out now than in thirty years? Isn't it better to realize that you are satisfied with your job and put your energy into other areas of your life?

Pam
 
We seem to have sent out a ripple in the Web with this thread – several of the weekly bulletins I have received over the last week have dealt with the topic of goal-setting being bad for you.

The best one is:

http://65.54.174.250/cgi-bin/linkrd...6.4127&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.massageyourmind.com

I have to say, Maya has identified an under-lying feeling I had also. I would like to feel immersed in poetry, or well-read, or pleased with myself, or relaxed.

Many of the goal-setting champions urge us to develop a bias towards action, to take massive action, and do measurable amounts of action.

But what I am after is a state of mind. The state of mind I am after is NOT the knowledge that, hey, look at me, I can set goals and get stuff done. Rather, I want to be in a place where I feel satisfaction compared to a current dissatisfaction.

A cousin of Queen Elizabeth II recently walked to the South Pole. She spoke in enraptured tones abut the sense of empowerment and capability that the accomplishment gave her.

I can fully appreciate this, and I can sense in her how she is ready to take on the next big challenge.

But I believe that what I am after is a different thing – a better balance between the things I have to do in life, and the things I want to do.

DFE
 
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